Forgiveness Isn’t Forgetting. It’s Healing.
- Heather M Larribas
- Jan 19
- 5 min read
How God restores hearts, relationships, and hope one surrendered step at a time.
Forgiveness. We all talk about it. We all need it. But if we are honest, most of us do not fully understand what it really means, especially when the betrayal was deep, the wounds were real, and the person who hurt you was someone you trusted.
Many people think forgiveness looks like this:
“Time passes, and eventually we just laugh about it.”
And yes, sometimes that is part of forgiveness.
But here is the truth. You do not laugh because the pain did not matter. You laugh because God healed the place where the pain used to live.
Forgiveness is not pretending nothing happened. Forgiveness is proof that God has done something supernatural in you.
When You Still Feel Angry, God May Still Be Healing
If you are holding onto anger, frustration, bitterness, or even constant emotional tension around a person or situation, it does not mean you are a bad Christian. It does not mean you are failing.
It may simply mean that God is still healing your heart.
Some wounds take time.
That pain may come from many things. It could come from infidelity, dishonesty, lies, cheating, manipulation, scheming, gambling, emotional betrayal, or a long season of confusion and disappointment. Whatever the offense was, when trust is broken, it does not only injure the relationship. It injures you.
Forgiveness is God’s way of breaking the chain that keeps you tied to the offense.
Scripture makes this clear:
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… Be kind and compassionate… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”(Ephesians 4:31–32)
Forgiveness is not God minimizing what they did. Forgiveness is God protecting you from what unforgiveness will do to your heart over time.
Sometimes You Cannot See What God Is Doing Until Later
One of the hardest parts about healing is that during the trial, you often cannot see the full picture.
You cannot see what God is working on.
You cannot see what He is changing.
You cannot see what He is protecting you from.
You cannot see what He is preparing you for.
But later, when you are finally standing on the other side, you realize that God was with you every step of the way.
He was not absent.
He was not ignoring you.
He was not punishing you.
He was healing you, even when you could not feel it.
That is why Scripture tells us:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”(Proverbs 3:5)
Your understanding has limits, but God’s wisdom does not.
God Is Not Confused About Who Belongs in Your Life
This needs to be said clearly.
If you are not meant to be with someone, God is fully able to redirect your path.
He is not trapped.
He is not powerless.
He is not intimidated by your circumstances.
God can close doors, open doors, and shift your life in ways that only He can.
But there is another side to this.
Sometimes God allows someone to return again and again, not because everything is fine, but because He is still working on the situation.
This applies to friendships, family relationships, business partnerships, and marriages.
Not every relationship is meant to be restored, but every heart is meant to be healed.
The goal is not to chase reconciliation at all costs. The goal is to surrender to Jesus and allow Him to complete what He started.
Forgiveness Does Not Excuse the Person. It Exposes the Real Problem.
Here is a truth that can be difficult to accept.
Sometimes the person was not really attacking you. They were battling themselves.
They were damaging their relationship with God.
They were drowning in sin.
They were living in compromise.
They were broken in identity.
They were losing a war inside their own soul.
That does not make what happened acceptable. However, it can help you stop believing the lie that it happened because you were not enough.
Many people do not hurt others because the other person is worthless. They hurt others because they are wounded.
It is also true that many times we hurt the ones we love the most.
That is why healing requires more than human strength. It requires the Holy Spirit.
A Real Story: Ten Years of Trusting God Through Marriage Pain
Some testimonies only come through time, tears, and obedience.
When a marriage breaks, the pain can feel final. The uncertainty can feel permanent. The loneliness can feel unbearable.
But God is not finished when you think it is over.
In my story, my marriage broke in 2015. It did not truly rekindle until 2022. Then remarriage came in 2025.
That is ten years of waiting. Ten years of praying. Ten years of facing the hard questions. Ten years of choosing God again and again.
And now, looking back, there is healing. There is restoration. There is even joy.
Not because the past did not happen, but because God redeemed it.
Forgiveness Frees You More Than It Frees Them
We need to say this clearly because culture often gets it wrong.
Forgiveness is not mainly for the person who hurt you.
Forgiveness is God setting you free from emotional bondage.
Anger may feel powerful, but it is poison.
Bitterness may feel justified, but it drains your peace.
Holding onto pain may feel like protection, but it keeps you trapped.
God does not want you living chained to what happened.
He wants you healed.
Whole.
Restored.
Free.
A Challenge for Today: Who Haven’t You Forgiven Yet?
So let us bring it home.
Who do you still need to forgive?
A parent?
A former friend?
A leader who disappointed you?
A spouse?
Someone who abandoned you?
Someone who lied to you?
Someone who shattered your trust?
And maybe the hardest one of all is this.
Have you forgiven the person you are doing life with right now, while carrying silent resentment?
Because unforgiveness does not just affect relationships. It affects your soul.
God does not want you carrying anger as your identity.
He wants you healed, restored, and free.
A Simple Prayer for Forgiveness and Healing
If you do not know where to start, start here.
Jesus, I surrender my anger to You.
I release what they did to me into Your hands.
Heal my heart where I have been wounded.
Give me Your strength to forgive.
Teach me to trust You again.
And restore what only You can restore.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
Final Encouragement
You do not forgive because the betrayal was small.
You forgive because God is bigger.
And when God heals you completely, one day you will look back and realize that the thing that once broke you became proof that God carried you.
Not only through the storm, but into the blessing on the other side.
Love and light to you always,
Heather M. Larribas
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