Forgiveness: The Freedom You Think You’re Denying Them (But You’re Actually Denying Yourself)

Heather M Larribas
7 days ago
5 min read

Good morning, Faith Under Fire family.

First, thank you. Our recent blog on forgiveness has been doing so well, and I truly believe that is not by accident. I believe God is still speaking to His people about forgiveness because so many of us are carrying wounds that are heavy, hidden, and exhausting.

If forgiveness feels hard for you, I want you to know something right away. You are not weak. You are not failing. You are human.

And yes, forgiveness can be one of the hardest things God will ever ask you to do.

We Are All Broken, and That Is Why We Need Jesus

One of the most life-changing truths God brought to my attention during my darkest seasons was this:

We are all broken people.

We come into this world broken, and that is exactly why we need a Savior. Jesus did not come for perfect people. He came for people like me, and people like you, who need healing, restoration, and grace.

God already knew what trials we would face. He knew what would try to break us, what would tempt us to grow bitter, and what would test our faith to its limit. And still, He chose us. He stayed with us. He never turned away.

Text on a white background reads: "For a moment I felt awe..." with words highlighted in orange. Emotive tone, reflecting on mercy and love.

When Your Heart Is Shattered, Forgiveness Feels Impossible

In my own marriage, I never imagined I would experience the pain I endured. I never thought my husband would step outside of our marriage multiple times. I never thought the betrayal would continue. I never thought I would live through that kind of heartbreak.

And yet I did.

After the divorce, we tried again, not once, but two more times. Eventually, he married the person he had been involved with for over seven years.

That kind of pain does not disappear overnight.

It comes with grief. It comes with anger. It comes with resentment. It comes with jealousy. It comes with confusion. It comes with emotional exhaustion.

And yes, it can feel like abuse, even when it is not physical. Emotional abuse leaves scars. The kind you cannot always see, but you carry every day.

God Speaks in Many Ways, and He Kept Reassuring Me

During that season, God gave me something that grounded me when everything around me felt unstable.

He gave me an image, like a vision. Over and over again.

And I know some people struggle with that, so let me say this clearly: God speaks to His children in different ways. He uses His Word first. He uses prayer. He uses wise counsel. He uses conviction. He uses confirmations.

And yes, He can also speak through visions and impressions, depending on the spiritual gifts He has placed inside of you.

Every time my husband left, God kept giving me that same image. And because of it, I stayed in faith, even when I did not feel strong.

Forgiveness Is Not Letting Them Win. It Is Letting Yourself Live.

Here is the part that changed everything for me.

I realized that if I did not forgive him, I could not move forward with my life.

Because when you hold onto unforgiveness, you may think you are punishing the other person, but you are not.

You are holding the poison.

You are carrying the weight.

You are living in the prison.

Unforgiveness does not damage them as much as it damages you.

And God does not want that for you.

God does not want you trapped in what happened.

God wants you free.

White background with the word "forgiveness" defined as "a gift you give yourself." It's in black serif font, conveying a reflective mood.

Seeing People Through the Eyes of Jesus

At some point, God challenged me to stop looking at my husband through my pain, and start looking at him through the eyes of Jesus.

Jesus looks at us without judgment.

He sees our brokenness.

He sees our mess.

He sees our sin.

And still, He offers mercy.

That does not mean I liked what was happening. I did not.

That does not mean what happened was okay. It was not.

But I had to accept this truth:

It was not my place to judge him.

Forgiveness is not agreeing with what someone did.

Forgiveness is releasing your right to carry the burden of it.

God Heals Roots, Not Just Symptoms

Sometimes we think forgiveness is about a moment, but it is usually about a root.

Many people hurt others because they are still bleeding from something old.

Childhood trauma.

Unhealed rejection.

Abandonment.

Pride.

Addiction.

Deep insecurity.

Spiritual bondage.

God does not ignore roots. He pulls them up.

And sometimes, the process of God pulling up someone else’s roots affects us deeply. It hurts. It feels unfair. It feels like you are suffering while God is working on them.

But God wastes nothing.

You Are Not Just a Person. You Are a Vessel.

This is something the Lord taught me that may shift your perspective.

You are not only a person walking through life.

You are a spirit living in a body.

You are a vessel.

And God uses vessels to do His work.

If you allow Him in, He will show you what He is doing.

He will show you what He is building in you.

He will show you what He is breaking off of you.

He will show you what He is healing in you.

And when your eyes stay on Jesus, the pain does not have the same power it once did.

It still happened.

It still mattered.

But it no longer controls you.

Scripture tells us to fix our eyes on Jesus, not our circumstances. That does not mean we pretend everything is fine. It means we choose where we live mentally and spiritually.

Text on a beige background reads: "To forgive is to set a prisoner free—only to discover the prisoner was you." The words "free" and "you" are underlined.

Forgiving My Mother Was Another Level of Healing

Forgiveness did not stop with marriage for me.

I had to forgive my mother toward the end of her life.

There were things that happened to me as a child that shaped me into an angry, hurting person. I was abused by my ex-stepdad in ways no child should ever experience. My childhood was not safe. It was not innocent. It was not what a childhood should have been.

I carried pain for a long time.

But I knew I needed healing.

And I needed freedom.

And I wanted peace.

So I forgave her, not because what happened was acceptable, but because I wanted my heart to be whole.

Two women smiling closely, one in a colorful top, the other in black. Bright setting with a joyful mood.

Forgiveness Is Proof That God Is Working In You

If you are struggling to forgive someone, here is what I want you to remember:

That person who hurt you is still God’s child.

That does not excuse what they did.

But it reminds you that God is still working, even in people who have done wrong.

Your job is not revenge.

Your job is not judgment.

Your job is to keep your eyes on Christ.

We are called to live like Christ.

We are called to forgive like Christ.

We are called to love like Christ.

And I promise you, forgiveness does not empty you. It actually reveals what God has placed inside of you.

You will be amazed at how much forgiveness is already in your heart, once you let God do the work.

Text on a textured background reads "5. Start the process of forgiveness" with annotations about conscious choice, personal benefit, and references.

A Prayer for Forgiveness and Peace

Jesus, I come to You today with my pain, my anger, and the wounds I have carried for too long. I cannot do this without You. Help me forgive. Help me release what I keep replaying. Heal the parts of me that still ache. Remove bitterness and resentment from my heart. Teach me how to see people the way You see them. Give me peace that does not make sense, peace that only comes from You. I trust You with my healing. In Jesus’ name, amen.

If this spoke to you, I want to encourage you to take a few quiet minutes today and pray honestly. Tell Jesus what hurt you. Tell Him what you are holding. Ask Him for help.

Forgiveness is not always instant.

But it always leads to freedom.

Have a great day, and I am praying for you.

Love and light to you always,

Heather M. Larribas